Ten Reasons Star Wars fans should read the Cale stories

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So, you liked Crosscurrent, and maybe you’re looking forward to Deceived and Riptide,  and you ask yourself:  Self, should I read other stuff that Kemp’s written?  It’s not Star Wars, true, but couldn’t it still be pretty good?  Seems to have to gotten decent reviews.  I don’t know, self, I do loves me some blasters and lightsabers and Jedi and Sith.  Kemp’s  other stories don’t have any of that, do they?  So why would I like it?

Well, I’m glad you asked, gentle reader.  Let me give you the top ten reasons why Star Wars readers should read my Erevis Cale stories:

1.  Erevis Cale is bald.  Vader is bald.  Bald dudes in dark robes are badass.   Do you deny this?  Really? Really?

2.  Weaveshear, Erevis Cale’s sword, is vaguely, kindasorta like a lightsaber.  Except it’s dark, leaks shadows, and absorbs magic.  Otherwise, uh, same thing.  And it can actually cut through cortosis.  Suck on that, lightsabers.

3.  Star Wars has ewoks.  Ewoks have hairy feet.  Faerun has Halflings.  Halflings have hairy feet.  Ergo, Jak Fleet is Wickett’s cousin, thrice removed.  And everyone loves small creatures with furry feet.

4.  Palpatine’s Empire rose from the ashes of a previous Sith Empire.  The Netherese Empire rose from the ashes of a previous Empire.  It’s like they’re long lost Imperial cousins, thrice removed (but without the hairy feet).

5.  Tarkin and Vader destroyed a planet for kicks.  The Sojourner destroys planets (that’s  plural, baby) for kicks.  Maybe those three should go bowling or something, and plan a little planet destroyin’ over beer (well, mimosas, in Tarkin’s case, but I’m not judging; I’m glad he’s in touch with his feminine side).

6.  The Empire has starships as big as cities.  The shadovar actually have flying cities. Advantage: Shadovar.  Of course, the Empire’s city-sized starships have great names like “Executor” while the Shadovar’s flying cities have names like “Thultantar,” which are not as great.  Advantage: Empire.  Call it a wash.

7.  Han Solo likes Wookies.  Drasek Riven likes dogs.  Wookies and dogs are both furry, growl, and wield laser crossbows (well, some dogs do;  seriously, I’ve seen it).  Ergo, Han Solo and Drasek Riven are like long lost cousins, thrice removed (no comment on hairy feet).

8.  Ah, but Han and Riven are different in this way.  Han shot first, and we like that.  Suck it, Greedo!  But Drasek Riven never needs to shoot at all, because Greedo doesn’t dare bring his green ass into the cantina talking smack to Riven in high-pitched Rodian.  No one talks smack to Riven, much less in Rodian, and we like that more.

9.  When we first meet Obi-wan, he’s an elderly hermit who offers cryptic guidance to Luke to lead him to his destiny.  Sephris Dwendon, Chosen of Oghma, offers cryptic guidance to Cale to lead him to his destiny.  Ergo, Obi-wan and Sephris both have hairy feet.  Natch.

10.  And the final reason?  Because I am strong in the Force and this entire list was an elaborate ploy to lower your mental defenses and make you susceptible to my Jedi mind trick. <Waves fingers before your eyes> You will take me to see Jabba– No, no, I mean, You will buy the Erevis Cale stories now….

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4 Comments

  1. Pingback: August 24, 2010 « Paul S. Kemp, Fictioneer

  2. that was intensely amusing, ive never thought of the similarities between the two series. lol@greedo’s green ass

  3. 11. Jak Fleet IS a little short to be a stormtrooper! (Wait, does that even make sense? Ah screw it!)

  4. Pingback: Thoughts on Quarterly Royalty Statement | Candlekeep Archives

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