My next novel, The Hammer and the Blade, the first in a series of sword and sorcery stories to be published by Angry Robot Books, will be released in twenty one days. By God, that means it’s time for a top ten list.
And so, here are the top ten reasons you should buy/preorder The Hammer and the Blade.
10. As a fashion accessory, the novel goes extremely well with pants. If you ever wear pants or if you ever plan to wear pants, you must have the book, just to round out your look.
8. Nix is clever, witty, manic, and somewhat good looking. Clever, witty, manic, and somewhat good looking dudes are badass. This cannot be gainsaid. See this? And this? Ignore this (not really witty; just has cocaine tiger blood or is winning or whatever).
7. The novel acts as a Libram of Gainful Conjuration. Read it and you gain a level. And when you gain a level, you get to take some new spells (hint: take Cloudkill and wreak havoc on your ancient enemies, the Mole Men).
6. You shouldn’t buy one copy. You should buy ten, because the failure to buy ten and send nine of them to your friends and acquaintances along with the text from this chain-blog-post will result in something awful happening to you. You will step on a stray Lego in the dark. Your pet will pee in your shoe. Your bread will get moldy. You will meet the hottest guy or girl in the world and have, at that very moment, profound halitosis and sweatiness. Do not tempt fate. Buy ten. Ten. Ten. No, TEN. Thank you.
5. Lots of people think it’s an excellent book. See the reviews here? I didn’t even have to pay them…much.
4. Bad sales numbers for the book will take my publisher, Angry Robot, from angry to irate, and millions will die. Lots of sales, on the other hand, will take my publisher from angry to mildly perturbed. A perturbed robot kills no one. Thus, millions of lives will be saved if you buy the book. Be a hero, people.
3. Hipsters hate it. ‘Nuff said.
2. A scientific study has shown that reading the novel will increase your intelligence and attractiveness tenfold. Also, while it is in your possession, you will not receive spam emails or calls from telemarketers. Science, people. SCIENCE!
And the number one reason you should buy and read and spread the love for The Hammer and the Blade:
1. Because it’s written by this guy named me, and you’ve read lots of work by me before and liked it. You’re going to love this. Pinky promise.